Character Building Year
Turn your child’s hurt into his strength
By Susan Causey, M.Ed., LPC, School Counselor
When my girls were in elementary school, occasionally we would have a year
which was more difficult than others. Perhaps all of her best friends ended up
in the other class or maybe she had a “personality conflict” with her teacher.
This usually meant that the teacher was strict and would not let her get by
with misplacing things or messy homework. Maybe she was just going through an
awkward stage and felt like “nobody liked her,” or someone was being mean. We
called these “character building years.”
Of course, as a
parent, we want our children to be happy, but what we need to do is to keep
their ultimate happiness in mind. Character building years give parents a great
opportunity to build life skills in their child. How the hurts and
disappointments are handled makes all the difference in whether the challenges
build up and strengthen your child or lead to resentment and a “victim”
mentality.
The secret is
keeping your eyes on your ultimate goal - raising a well-adjusted, confident,
and self-reliant adult. When your child feels mistreated by another student,
focus on what can be learned instead of the hurt. The Bible teaches us to pray
for those who mistreat us. (Luke 6:27-28) It teaches us that our confidence
should rest in the Lord and that our value comes from being His child instead
of a label that a hurtful “friend” may place on us. (Psalm 71:5) It teaches us
to speak the truth in love and not to repay evil for evil. (1 Peter 3:9;
Ephesians 4:15)
Practically
speaking, if a child can learn to respond from a position of strength and
confidence, a “bully” will not be inclined to mess with him/her. Bullies like
to target victims, so a person who responds with love and strength does not
give the bully the power and may ultimately win him over.
As far as a
teacher conflict, encouraging your child to respect and obey his/her teacher
even though she may not be the favorite teaches your child to honor the chain
of command God has put in place. Of course, all of our teachers
are loving and have the best interests of our students at heart, even if they
seem strict. They have the ultimate happiness and success of their students in
mind.
I recently heard
psychologist Dr. Leonard Sax on the secret to happiness. Longitudinal studies
have provided evidence that the single biggest predictor of adult happiness,
health, wealth and success is the measure of character and virtue in a child.
How do you teach virtue? You teach virtue by requiring good behavior. A child
goes back to the familiar, or as the Bible says, “Train up a child in the way
he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)
What is the most important virtue? He says it is humility, teaching your
child to esteem others as more important than themselves.
Some practical
ways to teach virtue, self-control, and humility are requiring your child:
·
to eat their
supper (whatever you fix) before dessert
·
to clean
their room before bedtime
·
to be
responsible for their homework
·
to limit
their screen time
·
to be
respectful of others
·
to listen
more than speaking out
·
to not run
around inside someone else’s house
·
to use good
manners
Happy
Parenting!
Counselor
Causey
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