Counselor’s Corner 

November 16, 2015

“Self-Esteem or Confidence”

By Susan Causey, M.Ed., LPC

Self-esteem has been the byword of positive parenting for decades.  It is important for a person to understand his great value and to have a favorable impression of himself.  The second greatest commandment behind "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind,” (Matthew 22:37) is “Love your neighbor as yourself." (Mark 12:31)

However, with all the emphasis on children’s fragile egos, parents have become overly concerned about damaging their child’s self-esteem.  As a result they may fail to discipline them. They worry about asserting their God-given authority.  Or at times, parents may give the child so much power over what happens in the family that the child’s ego is not only positive, but inflated.  A bloated self-esteem leads to an egocentric mentality.  The child may develop a demanding and self-focused attitude.  Ironically, instead of making his esteem stronger, the child develops insecurities and an entitlement attitude.  This attitude will lead to great disappointment and feelings of resentment when life does not give him the same power and influence.  The measuring stick his parents used will be switched when measured against the challenges of living as a self-sufficient, resilient, and successful adult.

My last “Counselor’s Corner” newsletter spoke of the virtues of humility, gratitude, and self-control as being the single greatest predictor of adult happiness, wealth, health, and well-being.  Instead of self-focus, teaching your child to love the Lord and others builds the values which will bring him ultimate reward.  Instead of self-esteem, the Bible says we are to esteem others as better than ourselves.  ”Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves.” (Philippians 2:3)  Scripture teaches us to put our confidence in the Lord and in our value before him.  Other encouraging verses are:

“Put no confidence in the flesh.” (Philippians 3:4)

“Is not your fear of God your confidence, and the integrity of your ways your hope?” (Job 4:6)

“Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence before God; and whatever we ask we receive from Him, because we keep His commandments and do the things that are pleasing in His sight. (1 John 3:21, 22)

“Such confidence we have through Christ toward God. Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God.” (2 Corinthians 3:4)

“Therefore, do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God, you may receive what was promised.” (Hebrews 10:35)

It is a dangerous thing to put your security in yourself. Health may wane. Abilities, looks, wealth, and circumstances may change. Training a child to have confidence in the Lord will give him a security and strength which endures.