Understanding Misunderstandings

by Susan Causey, M.Ed., LPC

Misunderstandings are a part of life. Why? Since we are all sensitive people, sin is intrinsic in our nature and communication is difficult. Jeremiah 17: 9 tells us, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?”

No matter what age, people want to be loved, approved, accepted and appreciated. This is the common ground for all mankind. People fight for this in different ways. Some through fame or fortune. Some through being people-pleasers.

However, most children are not mature enough to seek the fulfilment of this need in productive ways. They may be clumsy at social skills, just as a toddler is clumsy at walking. They are learning how to relate to different personalities and protect their own emerging sense of self. Most are not thinking of the struggles and goals of the other person, but only of what they want. At school many issues will arise. Because of the myriad of different people, each will come into contact with others who are struggling to meet their own needs in conflicting ways. This is a great environment to learn how to deal with people – an essential skill to develop for a healthy adulthood.

For this reason it is important to use these opportunities to train your child to deal with others effectively. The book of Proverbs teaches excellent social skills. Reading from this book of wisdom each day can help prepare your child for optimal social skills development.

As a parent, it’s easy (when your child comes home with hurt feelings) to react with a fighter’s instinct like a “momma bear,” but it is more productive to help him to examine himself. Could there be something in his behavior which is antagonizing, alienating, not engaging, or frustrating? Secondly, encourage your child to seek to understand the other person. Often, “hurt people hurt people.” The other student may be going through challenges that cause him to strike out. Pray for that person. Be kind to them and draw him into your circle if possible. As we seek to love and understand the other person, often our own needs are fulfilled. “It is in giving that we receive.” (St. Francis of Assisi)

Teach your child early to look to the needs of others. Self-absorption and being easily hurt can aggravate the wound and escalate the conflict. Being others-focused and forgiving creates channels of warmth. This can be difficult when someone is chilly toward us. But, training your child to say kind words and build others up, even at tough times, can warm and open hearts as well as develop confidence, strength and success in all relationships.

 

Outwitted

by Edwin Markham

 

He drew a circle that shut me out –

Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.

But love and I had the wit to win;

We drew a circle and took him in!