COUNSELOR’S CORNER – March 17, 2016

Relationship Rules!

By Susan Causey, M.Ed., LPC

          Recently I enjoyed lunch with one of my favorite childhood friends. Her life has taken many surprising turns from what I had envisioned for her. She is a beautiful blonde with blue eyes, and in my eyes she was almost like a princess. I expected her “white knight” to sweep her away to live happily ever after. She explained to me that her parents had been so over-protective of her, that when she grew up, she threw herself haplessly into the world “making one mistake after another” in an effort to see what she was missing. Her perfectionistic personality was molded in her attempt to live up to extremely high expectations and to be the perfect child. When she made a mistake and marred her record, she figured she had already messed up. So, why not make another mistake? I guess she was in a way like Rapunzel, stuck in a high tower of perfection until she rebelled against the strictures that confined her to ride off into the world.

          This made me think of this adage: “Rules without relationship leads to rebellion.” Jesus came to give us the relationship which we all need. None of us is perfect and none of us can live up to the “rules.” The rules are there to show us how to live, but without a relationship with Him, we all fall miserably short. It is His love that motivates us to forgive ourselves and one another, and to seek to persevere to please Him.

          Our parenting should be modeled after His relationship with us. It is important to establish the rules, but to remember that nothing is more important than our relationship with our children. Relationship is about spending time together, having open, honest communication, enjoying each other’s company, building trust, being vulnerable, forgiving each other’s faults, protecting, demonstrating patience, and having fun together. Ruling with an iron fist and unbending rules stunts relationships.

          When the people of Israel requested more humane working conditions of their King Rehoboam, he had the opportunity to show wise leadership. His elders advised him, “If today you will be a servant to these people and serve them, they will always be your servants.” (I Kings 12:7)

          Unfortunately, he did not seek God or accept their counsel. He responded, instead, harshly, which embittered his people and led to a rebellion, ultimately dividing the kingdom and leading to spiritual decline.

          Take every opportunity to show loving leadership by building a relationship which will inspire your children to love and please you.